Sime~Gen Roleplaying on IRC: Snake River Dam Scenario
Episode #161: The Happiest Donor (5/5/01)
Sedel has taken Arat's advice to heart: he has been talking to many of the Donors at the Dam site. After all, he has nothing but time on his hands and the neighbors have started complaining about the cords of firewood blocking things up between the various huts, "cabins", tents, and lean-tos.
Sedel has been thinking hard about what he really wants to do with his life. His innate sense of what the world should be has come up against reality with a hard smack and the resultant collision has left him very unhappy, angry -- though somewhat less angry than at first -- and confused. It is a very disturbing thing to have one's world view shattered. Well, not shattered. Picked apart. No, more like eaten away by a light acid solution. The devastation has taken years to occur and Sedel was as much taken by surprise at the breach of his walls as anyone.
Sedel has decided to have a talk with the happiest Donor he has ever met. He waits for Lemuse outside the communal building she calls home.
Sedel is actually dying to have someone to talk to. Now that Sylma spends so much time working he is getting lonely. The rest of the Donors don't have a whole lot of time for him either. Gens have to sleep, eat and do paperwork after all.
Sedel misses porches. At home everyone has a porch. If you want to talk you just have a seat on the porch and wait or talk.
Lemuse, being a Gen, cannot zlin Sedel lurking in ambush outside the Tecton bachelorette quarters.
Lemuse bounces out the door wearing a light jacket and carrying a pile of books. She is planning on returning them to Nick. Actually she had planned on returning them about two weeks before.
Lemuse: Oh hi Sedel! [waves]
Sedel: Hello.
Sedel: Let me help you with those.
Lemuse grins and surrenders the books to Sedel.
Lemuse: I keep meaning to give those back. But it's not as if he has any time to read them anyway, right?
Sedel smiles an unconscious smile for the first time in weeks.
Sedel: Uh, whose books are they?
Lemuse: Nick's. See, they're all about transformational physics and so forth.
Sedel winces a bit at the mention of Nick's name. Nick is on his list of Donors to talk to, but something seems to be preventing him from talking to Nick.
Lemuse shakes her head good naturedly.
Lemuse: You'd think they'd just write books called "Learn How Much you Really Don't Know about Being a Donor" and save themselves the trouble of writing out all those equations....
Sedel: I think the problem with those books is that they are written by Simes trying to explain things to Gens.
Lemuse: No doubt. But when they're recommended by another Sime trying to do the same, how can I argue?
Lemuse grins.
Lemuse: So, how's life been treating you? Haven't seen you around.
Lemuse of course knows what happened to Sedel, but why drag out his dirty laundry in public?
Sedel: Well, I'm sure you've heard all about my suspension by now. [smiles lopsidedly]
Lemuse: Yeah, I heard about that. What happened?
Lemuse like any good employee of a large bureaucracy, knows the best version of a story is the one heard from the horse's mouth as it were. Since she doesn't dare ask Arat about it though, there is always Sedel.
Sedel: I'm not exactly sure myself. I am having to do a bit of rethinking of the whole thing. Controller Arat "suggested" that I have a talk with some of the other Donors to see if I couldn't sort things out.
Lemuse: Oh!
Lemuse's eyes widen with interest.
Lemuse: Well, if you ever want to talk to me, just let me know.
Lemuse smiles.
Sedel: Actually I was waiting here to talk to you if you have some time.
Lemuse: Sure!
Lemuse: Want to go somewhere more private, or just take a walk, or...?
Sedel: Thanks Lemuse. How about we walk and talk? That way you get to deliver your books.
Lemuse: OK!
Sedel has always marveled at the Sime love of numbers even the most illiterate of them has an absolute bent for figures. The stack of books he is holding is more than proof of that.
Lemuse starts off in a direction nowhere near where Nick is, since she suspects that Sedel will need more than 5 minutes to chat.
Lemuse: So, what's on your mind?
Sedel: Do you mind if I ask you a very personal question?
Lemuse grins at Sedel.
Lemuse: Sure, go right ahead.
Sedel: Why did you become a Donor?
Sedel has been asking this question of everyone he has talked to.
Lemuse: Oh, I just love helping people.
Lemuse enthuses on one of her favorite subjects.
Lemuse: I actually talked to a counselor in high school about what I wanted to do, and he suggested I go in for Donor training. Boy, am I glad I did!
Lemuse tends to be amazingly positive about everything she says, which could be either a good or bad thing depending.
Sedel: But why a Donor? Why not a teacher, or social worker of something else?
Lemuse: Oh well, I considered those too.
Sedel: What tipped the scale for you?
Lemuse: At the time, I went to talk to the people at the local Sime Center and they seemed really keen on having me on board. Also my mom supported it big time.
Lemuse: I liked the idea of going wherever I was needed most, and I liked the idea of helping people whose purpose in life is to help others.
Sedel: Do you ever think about doing something else?
Lemuse giggles.
Lemuse: Well, I did once.
Lemuse: I thought about leaving service to raise my child full time.
Sedel's ears perk up.
Sedel: I didn't know you had a child.
Lemuse: But then the father and I weren't getting along that well anymore, and were about to split up. And he wanted to keep the kid.
Lemuse: I was about to come up for reassignment far away, and... well, it just worked out the way it worked out.
Sedel can't believe anyone couldn't get along with Lemuse.
Sedel: Yes. I don't have any children. I just can't bring myself to do it under the Tecton system.
Lemuse: Oh really?
Sedel: I guess I look at family differently than most.
Sedel: I grew up in a Householding a giant extended family. My parents were always there for the most part. We were never without at least one of them at home all the time.
Sedel: That's what family should be, well, to me anyway.
Lemuse nods sympathetically.
Sedel: I've been spinning the same questions and answers in my head about that too.
Sedel: Do you ever feel taken for granted, Lemuse?
Sedel: Do you ever feel used or devalued as a human being?
Sedel shifts the books around to a more comfortable position. The weight isn't a problem for him but they are all trying to go in different directions at once.
Lemuse smiles at Sedel in a friendly fashion.
Lemuse: No, not at all. I mean, I can see where a person could feel that way when down in the dumps, but whenever I start to feel that way I just take matters into my own hands.
Sedel: So you have felt it as some point too then.
Lemuse: Sure, I think everybody does sometimes.
Lemuse: I mean, we're social creatures. We're meant to require other's approval and dependence.
Lemuse grins.
Lemuse: Like it or not.
Lemuse: The way I see it, if I want people to respect and need me, and that isn't happening, that means it's time to go out and make 'em do it.
Sedel is intrigued by Lemuse's answer.
Lemuse has been accused of butt-kissery and up-suckery many times, and is not at all self-conscious about what she does.
Lemuse reasons that if God or nature gave her a nager and selyn, then it is up to her to use them to further herself as needed.
Lemuse also enjoys feeling happy and isn't shy about getting that way.
Sedel: And just what do you do to get them to do it?
Lemuse: Well, I help them out every way I can, so they need me even more. And when they're down in the dumps, I cheer them up so they can feel good about themselves and me.
Lemuse: When I'm on the job, everything is 100% about them. I mean, that's my job isn't it?
Lemuse: I want to be the one they can count on to give them just the right advice, to encourage them when they need it and discourage them when they need that.
Lemuse: I want to be the one who fills them up when they're empty.
Lemuse grins.
Lemuse: Whatever kind of empty that happens to be.
Sedel: Oh, I see.
Sedel has been running into this very same attitude with variations on the theme from every Donor he has talked to so far.
Sedel finds Lemuse to be a bit more than the norm though.
Sedel: What do they do for you then?
Sedel had heard that Roliver wasn't thrilled at the prospect to working with her. But then he had had to restrain himself from shaking the channel on more than on occasion.
Lemuse: Oh, well aside from simply enjoying themselves more, I just enjoy seeing them help the hundreds of renSimes and donors each month. And lots of times I'm assigned because the channel isn't doing so well, so it's great to see them improving too.
Lemuse knows that half the time, the channel is simply not doing well because he or she was assigned a lousy Donor the previous few months. That could be depressing if she let it, but why? She can think of herself as a better Donor and feel happy for the person that they got a good one this month, instead.
Sedel: I do wish I could see it that way. I'd be happier in my work.
Sedel wonders if he will ever find an answer that would be helpful. He smiles sadly at Lemuse. She is what every Sime wants: a Gen that is willing to cater to their every whim.
Lemuse pats Sedel's arm.
Lemuse: How do you see it? [curiously]
Sedel: There are days when I love what I do. When we have injured people coming in and I can help ease their suffering it is a wonderful feeling. But then....
Sedel thinks yes, but then....
Lemuse waits for him to continue, all eyes and ears.
Sedel: But then I walk out of the door at the end of my shift and I can't relax. I can't stop worrying about every Sime I come into contact with. I can't be sad or hurt or worried without every Sime within zlinning distance backing off or resenting the fact that I feel as I feel.
Lemuse: Can't you go somewhere by yourself?
Lemuse: That's what I do.
Lemuse: Last fall I took a whole week of vacation and went to Salmonton for a few days.
Lemuse: I got this bracelet, see?
Lemuse shows him a bracelet of rawhide with large pink granite beads carved in the shape of fish.
Sedel obediently examines the bracelet.
Sedel: Yes, quite nice.
Sedel: I think you do have the right idea though. I have been thinking of just moving to Gen Territory.
Lemuse's eyebrows shoot up.
Lemuse: Oh!
Lemuse: Well, it's not for everybody, but if you're looking for a change, maybe some of the border towns are nice.
Lemuse: I don't think you'd like anything not on the border, though.
Sedel: Maybe. But if I do quit the service and go out-T it would be far away from the border.
Lemuse wrinkles her nose.
Lemuse: Where they murder their own children in changeover?
Lemuse: I couldn't deal with that.
Lemuse: I saw one on the road once, and one was all I ever need to see in my life.
Lemuse: Just the idea of seeing little kids playing in the street and knowing that one in three will be dead in a few years!
Sedel had thought of that. What would he do if confronted by a changeover that far away from a Sime Center?
Sedel: I know I couldn't stand by and not help a child. I guess they would probably shoot us both.
Sedel finds himself firmly back at square one. He has had this same argument with himself often enough to know that there is no answer for him in pursuing it.
Sedel has followed that line of reasoning to its inevitable conclusion and wondered if it would be a bad way to die.
Lemuse smiles sympathetically at Sedel.
Lemuse: I don't know, to me it seems a lot easier to change me than to change the world.
Sedel turns and looks at Lemuse. That is it of course. He seriously wants the world changed.
Lemuse: And that's basically what moving far away is doing, right? Trying to change the world by going to a different part of it?
Lemuse: But I mean, if that's what you want, the more power to you. Some people are more happy over there.
Lemuse smiles at Sedel in an attempt to be nice.
Sedel smiles back at her. She is happy in her own version of the world and that is a good thing. He, on the other hand, has realized what has been eating him.
Sedel: Maybe it is time I changed this world.
Sedel realizes that it will be a hard fight and he won't see it won in his life time if at all but the Tecton will have to change. After all, he is Dar and Dar fights for what it believes in.
Sedel: Thanks for talking with me, Lemuse.
Lemuse: Oh... let me take those. [gets the books before Sedel can leave with them; she can tell he is all fired up about something]
Lemuse grins at him.
Lemuse: Any time, Sedel.
Lemuse watches him leave and then turns in the direction of the Sime Shack and Nick... and Arat. She'll have to make a full report, of course. She shakes her head to herself.
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