Note: This is a post-script to Rayne's story, which begins with Life 101, continues with Mog, and concludes (so far) with Gifts of the Daimon.
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Tykovi,
I’m writing to you because I don’t want the things we said to each other yesterday to be the last words exchanged between us. But on the other hand, I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to see each other again.
There was one thing you said that I just don’t think is true. I guess it’s one of your main complaints about me since you repeated it so many times. You kept accusing me of choosing Rayne over you.
I don’t see it that way at all. If this was really a choice between you and her, I would have picked you, Tykovi. But it’s not like that. This doesn’t really have much to do with her. I don’t even know if she’ll want me back. If she doesn’t, that won’t change a thing between you and me.
This isn’t about Rayne. It’s about you asking me to deny half of what I am. I’m a man, and I am also a Gen. That’s in order of importance, as far as I’m concerned. If it was really just Rayne that you didn’t like, on a personal level… I’m not proud of it, but I would have gone along with that. I could have found another Sime. But it wouldn’t have made any difference who she was, as far as you’re concerned—you expected me to give up transfer altogether. Not just expected it, but took it for granted that I would, and assumed it would mean nothing to me. You seem to feel that if I miss that, there must be something wrong with me.
Having fallen for you as deeply as I did, I went along with that for as long as I could. I know you have trouble believing this is really why I’m breaking things off, but it’s the truth.
I would never waste much time on a Sime who expected me to give up sex. That would be ridiculous. The problems between us started when I realized that what you were asking is just as unnatural for me. I know that’s something you’ll never understand, and I know some of the reasons for that. I would never have asked you to understand—just to accept. But you can’t do that either, I know that now.
But maybe, after reading this, you’ll be able to see that it was never a question of my choosing between you and Rayne. I do want her back, but if she can’t get past my walking away from her the way I did—well, as I said before, I can find another Sime. And as much as it hurts me to say this, I guess I’ll have to find another man, as well.
I still care about you, and I wish things had worked out differently. And I truly do hope that you are able to find happiness…
--Darrien
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